Have you ever looked closely at job applications? There is one question that seems universal, “Are you bilingual?” It got me thinking, what does that mean in a marriage?

I really believe that question should be part of the marriage license process. Men and women speak different languages, right. In all my years of doing marriage counseling one question is constant… “My spouse just does not understand me.”  That leads me to believe we must speak different languages.

Men speak caveman and women speak love. Men grunt expecting their brides to understand what they are saying. Our brides speak love with a dialect of emotions. So caveman looks at his bride trying to understand her language of love. Often stumped at what she is trying to say. And sometimes wives feel like they are pulling teeth to get their husband to speak about anything.

We are so opposite of our spouses in so many ways. Can we ever speak and understand one another’s language? I whole heartily say yes! But, it will take time, courage and patience.

First, you need to make time to communicate… It takes courage to share your biggest fears, your physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Sometimes it’s difficult to even start a deep discussion… You may be out of practice. So practice, looking at one another while you are talking. Put down your phone, your reader, your tablet…  And talk!

Second, begin with simple things…

Be patient as you ask your partner to repeat what you’ve said…  To make sure they really heard you correctly. This part is very interesting… Often times your spouse really does hear something completely opposite of what you’ve said.

Third, always speak in love to your spouse… Remind yourself, even if you are hurt or angry, that you love him or her! Speak with thoughtfulness. Don’t just blurt out something ugly… Once our words are out there, he whole of our world sees and hears them. You cannot take them back. Respond rather than reacting. There is a big difference.

Take the time to really speak to each other…

“The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”  Proverbs 16:23-24

by Pastor Scott & Shannon White


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